spotting!

purposefully confused

2011-11-27T08:11:00.000-08:00

I constantly tried to impress everybody else and try to be noticed,
whereas I tried to be happy at the same time.
But I found the realization that it's never gonna work.
I envy others. I am a hypocrite. I am selfish.
Now, I try to be happy and write my story
and definitely people will remember me.
I will not go wrong.

just wanna say this

2010-12-08T06:50:00.000-08:00

Love really came in an unexpected way in my life. I've felt how love went in and open my heart. He came all of a sudden. In my plain and my dull days. And he brought everything I've ever dare to dream, even more. I am proudly taken by this most amazingly extraordinary guy. Someone who can fill my days and make me as a whole person. My Davin Wiratama :)
He's the only person who can raise up my spirit when I'm down, with his simple words and sweet smile. He can put a smile on my face immediately, with his simple text messages, his voice, and whenever he shows up in my doorway. He can cheer me up in every condition. He can wipe away my tears with his tender touch. He can make my tears fall with his frowns. He's the only guy who can treat me well.
I would give everything he wants. Everything. Because the way he cares for me is addictive. The way he holds me close to him is hypnotizing. And the way he loves me really like no one will ever replace that feeling.
When he hugs me, I feel warm, safe, and secure. When he pours out his magical words or falls down his tears, it makes me feel like I am the luckiest girl on this whole earth to have his heart in mine. Just being near him makes everything seem so peaceful and better.
I love to watch him sleep, just because. I love to hear him snores while he sleeps. I love to hear his heartbeat on his warm chest. Everything about him revolves around my mind.
Every thought, breath, and feeling of mine is saying "I love you". I always feel like I run out of time whenever I'm with him. Because spending time with him is the most incredibly priceless moments ever. Time goes by too fast when he's around. When he's near, my focus is all over on him.
How pure, selfless, and sincere this love I feel towards him.
How I see the real Davin Wiratama in my eyes is just so perfect. I'm in love. I'm in love. I'm deeply in love!
I would rather be miserable as long as I have you in my arms.
This I promise you, love. Won't ever go far from you.
Take my words, take my heart, take my all. It's yours to keep :)

Baby, I love you ♥

what i know

2010-11-06T04:20:00.000-07:00

in secret we meet,
in silence i cry
for missing you so

in joy we smile,
in sunshine i thank
for God's precious gift

you are the image i see
when i feel and love

sharing thoughts
and emotions
together

the wonder that keeping us one
is always selfless

because when i love
you're all i know

mela.110610.

i'm blessed

2010-11-06T04:06:00.000-07:00

"Take time to think about those people you love,
how you appreciate them, and thank them while you can"
-@TheLoveStories

***
thanks love
:)

this i promise you

2010-10-16T21:58:00.000-07:00

"And I will take you in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you"

This I Promise You - N'Sync

you

2010-10-16T07:44:00.000-07:00

a problem-solver. a heart-warmer. a joker.
a sun. a moon. rain. clouds.
a boyfriend. a lover. a best friend.
a blessing. a gift. a miracle.
an angel.

it's you.

♥

24 or 25 or 26

2010-10-16T07:39:00.000-07:00

cant wait for 2014
or 2015
or 2016

:)

*just wanna say it*

time

2010-10-15T23:45:00.000-07:00

"time"

this 4 letters word makes me think so much these days.
why does time important?

i know everything has to be done within a certain period of time.
everything needs time.
again, everything.

examples.
you go to college and hoping you'll finish it in 4 years.
you eat, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
you try to finish your work by the time limit or deadline.
you sleep, you count it by hours or minutes.

even sometimes,
people count unseen things with time.
how many years you've been living at your current house that you wanted to settle up?
or how many times you've watched that movie that you finally understood the storyline?
how often do you go swimming that you feel you're keeping fit?
how long have you known her that you know she's not good to be friends with?
do you regularly hang out with your friends that you can call them best friends?
how long you've known her that you can say she's your best friends?
do you spend more of time with your friends or lover?

sometimes the thing about time bugs me a lot.
why?
because I'm too selfish.
I realize that I wanna spend time with certain person (read: lover)
more than with other people.
I want to have all the time in the world in my hands
and just spend my time with the guy I believe will be holding onto me until "that" day.

I dont see why I have to give an exact reason,
but I believe this passionate feeling isnt just for someone melancholic like me.
it's for everyone who is currently in love.
for real.

I feel
I always run out of time,
or think that I need more time.
And I am willing to give all of my time for him.

whether this post is too mellow or not,
I hope you understand.

time does not stand for those who cant appreciate it.
and I'm aware that I havent appreciated time well.
because I love this selfishness of mine about time.
I love to steal time even just a minute, to be together with him.
and bail out from my friends.
I dont know if it's good or not in others' eyes.
but for me, it's good.
yes, i'm sorry i'm bad.
but it's still good for me.

"Don't let the noise of others opinions drown out your inner voice"
-Steve Jobs

This quote depicts me well.
I really dont want to change what is true for me, just for the pleasure of others.
I can make my own decisions.
I'm mature enough to know what's not and what's it.
I'm addicted, I'm head over heels, and I'm deeply falling in.

I can appreciate time,
whenever I'm with you.
:)

"The most valuable commodity is time"
-Gordon Gekko, Wallstreet: Money Never Sleeps

One more saying about time I found in weheartit , dont know whose (unknown):
"Time will not sleep. It will not slow down and it will not stop.
When time feels like running out, you have all the time in the world.
You can watch the clock hoping that
the minute hand will come to a stop, but it's not going to.
It's never going to.
You can count the seconds until it's a new day or a new month or a new year,
but you'll be counting forever.
You can count the moment until we see each other again,
but it will never be the same.
It'll never be the same."

***

that's why, i just simply want to spend more time with you.
is it a sin?

hugging you

2010-09-21T08:24:00.000-07:00

i love hugging you from behind,
in the rain.

:)

nothing is going to change

2010-09-15T06:44:00.000-07:00

"If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh, so clearly
I might have been in love before,
But it never felt this strong.
You oughta know by now how much I love you.
One thing you can be sure of
I’ll never ask for more than your love.
The world may change my whole life through
but nothing’s gonna change my love for you.
If the road ahead is not so easy
Our love will lead the way for us like a guiding star
I’ll be there for you if you should need me
You don’t have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are."

George Benson - Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You

***
"Life and love I dwell upon, so beautiful and true;
to learn the meaning of forever,
and spending it with you."

hear ye, hear ye

2010-09-15T06:25:00.000-07:00

dear all my ~~loyal~~ blog readers,
if you dont like my posts' topic that have been so monotonous,
feel free to leave.
i'm just spilling out what's on my mind
according to my current condition and mood.
and this is my current condition:
head over heels in love.

:)

for.ever

2010-09-15T06:20:00.001-07:00

too naive?
nuh'uh.
♥

mouth

2010-09-15T05:30:00.000-07:00

oftentimes, i find that my mouth is very useless.

i rarely succeed in uttering what's on my mind.
i speak through my mind, with myself.
but what i'm feeling or how i'm feeling i cant speak it out.

whenever i talk to God,
hundreds of words conveyed to Him through this mind and heart.
but when i try to speak or spill out what's on my mind - with this mouth of mine,
it's barely worked out.
:(

Especially when i'm with you.
lots of things, feelings, words i want to tell you so bad,
but in the end it is all left unsaid.
i want you to know how i really feel, verbally.
however, i show my feelings to you through how i act.
how i caress your hair or cheek.
how i hug you tightly.
how i hold your hands and play with your fingers.
how i tuck you to sleep.
how i accompany you and just be at your side.
how i search for you whenever your with your friends.
how i wait for your class to finish just to see your face.
how i wanna make you smile.
how i cry whenever you're hurt.
how i look into your eyes and tell you silently, "I'm always here for you"

but at times, i understand that you're tired with my silence.
i want to change.
i need to change.
i have to change.

***

I. L. D

choices

2010-09-15T05:12:00.000-07:00

i've taken some choices.
i've chosen the choices.
i understand the risks.
i have to bravely work through it all.

:)

twitpic testing

2010-09-13T21:29:00.000-07:00

An assignment had just been done with Astro
In today's Communication Technology Development Class,
we tried to use twitpic

We had to interview one of the lecturers in our beloved university.
At first, we tried to find our own department's lecturers to be interviewed
but unfortunately, we got preceded by other students
so then, we decided to find the lecturer from our neighbor's department,
English Department.

We went to ILC's room and met Ma'am Flo.
We interviewed her for around 5 minutes.
and the bonus is, we had to speak in english.

From our interview, we found out that Ma'am Flo uses Nokia E63.
She's not the kind of person who follows trends.
That's why, she believes that Blackberry is no longer branded.
She agrees that Media Convergence brings simplicity to life,
especially in her work and social life.

She uses social networking, particularly Facebook,
to communicate with her friends and also her students,
it includes giving announcements, giving assignments, etc.
Sometimes, she uses her cellphone for updating her Facebook,
sending or receiving emails, and browsing.

Besides basic tools, like texting or calling,
she really utilizes the facilities in her cellphone.
She told us that her cellphone is really useful for her job as a lecturer.

After talking with her, we took her picture
and went back to media laboratory to upload her picture via twitpic.
We found some difficulties for sending the picture from Astro's email.
But a few minutes later, we succeeded!!!
We were so happy and relieved that the picture got uploaded in Astro's twitpic.
Here's the link.

:)

QR Code

2010-09-06T21:13:00.000-07:00

learning something new is always good.

today at communication technology development class
i learned about QR Code.

according to wikipedia,
QR code is a matrix barcode readable by QR scanners,
mobile phones with camera, and smartphones.

It consists of black modules arranged in a square pattern on white background.
The information encoded can be text, URL, or other data.
it looks like this:
Then,
Our lecturer told us to download and install the inigma code reader
to our mobile phones.
Luckily, my sweet not-so-smart Blackberry
installed the application in a few minutes only.

after installing the inigma application,
i was told to scan a QR barcode on Kompas newspaper.
That application scanned the barcode and went online.
The browser automatically opened Kompas' site
that contained the news which its barcode was the one i scanned before.

fun!

success social media story of Flickr

2010-09-06T07:31:00.000-07:00

flickr.
The one site that compiles aesthetics with online connection.
Flickr is a photo-sharing site, owned by Yahoo,
where users can share full-resolution images
with friends, family and the open Internet,
in a snazzy, graphically rich setting.

a screen shot of flickr's site

Caterina Fake knew she was onto something
when one of the engineers at her Vancouver, British Columbia-based online game
start-up created a cool tool to share photos and save them to a Web page while playing.

She and her programmer husband, Stewart Butterfield,
transformed the project into Flickr.
In less than two years, the photo-sharing site
— now owned by Internet giant Yahoo —
has turned into one of the Web's fastest-growing properties.

ahoo bought the company in March
for an undisclosed sum and moved the 11-person team
to Yahoo headquarters in Sunnyvale.

Since then, Flickr has been on a roll,

riding the wave of consumer fascination with digital cameras.

Shutterbugs are less likely to make many prints these days

but still want an outlet to show off their work.

How much?
The ad-supported version lets users upload 20 megabytes of photos a month free.
That's about 10 to 25 pictures, depending on the resolution.
For $24.95 a year, you get an ad-free version,
and can upload 2 gigabytes a month.

Flickr also offers Calendars, posters and DVDs of photos.
Plus, members can upload pictures and post them on their blogs.

In 2009,
Flickr announced a partnership with Getty Images
in which specially selected users could submit photographs
for stock photography usage and receive payment.
In 2010,
this was changed so that users could label images
as suitable for stock use themselves.

sources:
http://www.usatoday.com/tech/products/2006-02-27-flickr_x.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flickr

tears

2010-08-04T19:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I pray,
I selfishly ask God to dry out away all of my tears
so that i can always make you smile.
But somehow,
tears is the only way i know to response joy, pain, sorrow, cheerfulness, and longing.

i tear up each time i realize you're mine.
i tear up each time i realize you're angry at me.
i tear up each time i realize you're happy because of me.
i tear up each time i realize you're the one i need.
i tear up each time i realize we're far apart.
i tear up each time i realize you're not beside me.
i tear up each time i realize you're sad because of me.
i tear up each time i realize i disappoint you.
i tear up each time i realize how much miss you.
i tear up each time i realize i just cant stay away from you.
i tear up each time i realize our conversation is awkward.
i tear up each time i realize how stupid i am to disappoint you.
i tear up each time i realize that i'm relieved i have you.
i tear up each time i realize just how much you mean to me.
i tear up each time i realize just how much i love you.

if i could drain these tears away just to make you smile, i would do it right away.
God, wash away my tears, make it all go away..

I heard the teardrop hit my pillow before I even knew I was crying.
~Terri Guillemets

sunset

2010-07-23T17:02:00.000-07:00

it's july 23rd.
we watched the sun set together.
and just being together in the early evening.
♥

"I love you.
Not maybe, not tomorrow, not someday,
right now - at this very moment."
-TheLoveStories

25

2010-06-26T18:15:00.000-07:00

25 is my new favorite number
:p

this smile just won't fade away easily.
i trust you.
and i know you'll do the same.

hundreds of thank yous will never be enough
for so much that you've given.
but, thanks :)

♥♥

be true

2010-06-26T17:36:00.000-07:00

"You know that in the end, it's better to say much
than to never say what you need to say again.
Even if you're hands are shaking
and your faith is broken,
even if the eyes are closing,
do it with a heart wide open, a wide heart.
Say what you need to say, say what you need to say"

John Mayer - Say

^^

The truth is rarely pure and never simple~
Truth, in matters of religion, is simply the opinion that has survived~

i can be myself

2010-06-22T17:26:00.000-07:00

"i knew when we collided
you're the one i have decided.
who's one of my kind.
you see, i can be myself now finally.
in fact, there's nothing i can't be"

Train - Hey, Soul Sister

ecstatic

2010-06-22T05:42:00.000-07:00

it's june.
i believe in so much things i should not.

***

as june comes to an end, ecstatically, i remember the days we've gone through together.
yes, it was very short and brief.
but as time flies by, it gives so much meaning for me.

as i said earlier, i've noticed you a long time ago.
and when you noticed me, i sensed the sign that it was worth to try.

i was simply startled that
you were far beyond from what i thought you were.

you put so much concern for me.
for this silly, headstrong, and stubborn girl.
i thank you for that :)

and time does pass in a very strange way.
often i heard the question:
isn't it too soon?
how come it happened so fast?
are you sure with your decision?
why don't you consider it a little bit longer?

i know, i know.

my ignorance has nothing to do when i see things through different perspectives.
especially the questions about time.

sometimes, "time" is a wall we can't destroy all at once.
we can't escape from time even a bit.
in my opinion,
we need to experience rapid changes to see things clearly.
to feel the sensation of bitter-sweet events we may encounter.

and with the principle i hold,
it doesn't really matter
whether we meet eyes to eyes today and hold hands the next two days.
the thing that really matters is we grow together and
we can make the right choices for ourselves and
talk over the things, everything, we should or need to face.
if we trust each other, everything else will be alright in the end :)

sorry if i got too melancholy all of a sudden,
but i just need to get these words out of my head.
hehe.

besides, i express myself better through hundreds of words in writing, than oral talking :p

...continuing,
we went to my church today, and pray together.
i shouldn't say this, but one of my prayer to holy Mary is:
i wish for the days to come, to be just like today.
that i have nothing to worry,
that nothing can not be given a smile,
nothing to be afraid of.

^^

i'm a mere human being.
i am not perfect.
i'm sorry if i say sorry too much.
but sometimes it's hard to say bluntly the feeling inside,
that i ended up saying the word "sorry".

along with this hesitate feeling,
i want to laugh and being laughed at.
and say thank you.
for your extraordinary honesty.
for the moments we've shared
(and moments to come, lols)
for the time you're willing to spare
to fulfill my selfish requests.
and much more.
:)

sorry.
and
thank you.
hehe.

***

"Maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself"
-A Walk To Remember-

ps: ugh. i wrote in such weird phases -_-"

proverb

2010-06-14T17:16:00.000-07:00

falling in

2010-06-14T16:47:00.000-07:00

the feeling i get when you say my name,
is the feeling that never feels the same.
well, maybe i've walked too close to you.
and it didn't take me too long to figure out that now
i'm falling in.

thanks :)

mama

2010-06-04T18:05:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking for these past few days

and i dont know why, but i easily got too carried away lately
i'm being so melancholy, so weak, so fragile, so lame, so hesitate, so sorry...

i'm too occupied with the feeling "i-am-a-troublesome", esp with my mom.

last night, my mom picked me up from campus at 9 o'clock.
i was so exhausted, that i fell asleep right away on the passenger's seat, besides my mom's seat.
a moment later, my mom swerved the steering wheel so suddenly.
i woke up right away.
my mom was too sleepy that she almost overslept while driving and hit a person.
i was so surprised.
finally, we switched, and i was the one driving home, while my mom was sleeping.
it's the third time something like this has happened.

just so you know,
i've been juggling with my full-day activities at campus almost everyday.
i often asked my mom to pick me up at 9 or 9.30 PM,
whereas i KNEW that she came back from the office at 7 or 7.30 PM,
and she must've been so aweary, tired, and need rest.
but i forced her to drive to my faraway campus just to take me home.

the guilt in my heart wont go away easily.
i kept saying sorry to my mom for using her leisure time to pick me up.
but then, she just smiled. always smiling.

i've been considering about boarding house, but my mom wont allow me.
she said, i could always ask her if i needed to be picked up, no matter what time.

UGH.

i got so stressed out over this matter, that i cried in the bathroom.
maybe i'm being too overacted, but it's true.
i know a mother's love is unconditionally.
but as a child who wants to give back,
i hate to see her defending me all the way,
while herself gets nothing out of it, but exhaustion.

i'm such a troublesome.

God, bless her. all the way.
:(

***

"Mama, you're the queen of my heart
your love is like tears from the stars,
Mama, i just want you to know
lovin' you is like food to my soul"
Boys II Men - A Song For Mama

escape?

2010-05-24T07:18:00.000-07:00

i hope you notice
that i like this situation.
i really do.
i'm just scared
that i made myself too easy to fall.

smack!

2010-05-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

somehow,
i was just enjoying the moment,
edging the common sense away,
and letting my helplessness stuck out.

and today,
my favorable wandering mind came back.

thanks to a good friend of mine,
for bringing me around the borders
that i should've noted beforehand.

***

"so scared what life could hold"
Boyzone - Keep On Walking

most of times

2010-05-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

most of times,
i fall a few times,
stumble above my belief,
go through incorrect intersections,
draw a smirk - most of the times- when i realize
that my foolery blocks the doubtless paths,
and turns into doubt, most of times.

most of times,
i find the answers reluctantly,
and close an eye,
and convert them into options.
i do that most of times.

when i think of it,
most of times i just sit silently,
waiting for the sky to show signs,
so i could opt the only direction
i always pass by,
and still be afraid to defy my current flow,
most of times.

and now,
i know my most-of-times
are just the significant bulletproof shield
i use to construct my small personality
and hesitating mind,
most of times.

i really need an escape!
:(

"I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change, but till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost"
Lea Michele - Defying Gravity

dear friends

2010-05-16T08:31:00.000-07:00

"every now and then
we find a special friend,
who never lets us down,
who understands it all,
reaches out each time you fall,
you're the best friend that i've found"

Jordan Hill - Remember Me This Way

i beg you

2010-05-15T20:19:00.000-07:00

when are you gonna get all the answers
and come to understand
that I've always tried to be perfect,
while you're just sitting there leisurely
and lets the bitterest tears shed over you.
please come to the realization
that we all need you
as a person who can give back.

i beg you
...

"there are many tears in the heart that will never reach the eyes"
-ihatequotes

mood: teary. angry. sad. disappointed.

dream

2010-05-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

dream BIG dreams

blessings

2010-05-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

i feel so blessed.

with everything.
my family, my friends, my lecturers, my college.
just.. everything.

it's the time of the year that i feel that i have to show my gratitude to everybody.
everybody, literally.

for the committees in college that are willing to take me
for who i am and with every inadequacy i have.
with my foolishness and stubbornness.
sorry for the times when i was being so pig-headed and obstinate.
and when i got too carried away,
but you guys just smiled and said,
"it's okay. we're in this together"
one of the mildest moments i've ever gone through.
thank you.
thank you for your smiles.
:)

Communication Science's Open Forum's crews
- brief, but fun

Theater Week's crews
- awesomeness.
i got to join the greatest crew in the event which my passion takes a big part in it
*hearts*

Aku Untuk Indonesiaku's crews
- the weariest event that got me worn out, but in the end, it was all worthy

thanks thanks thanks a bunch, loves!

next committees:

Microwave - with Petra Campus Radio
P3KMABA 2010 - students' orientation
Petra Awards - ... i just cant wait for it haha

also to my besties:

you guys are indescribable. you give so much for me.
this moment of life with you guys i shall never forget.

-----
grateful and blessed.
praise the Lord
:)

ps:
congratulation for my mom who just had her graduation day for her Master Degree
with 3.86 GPA as cum laude!
wow~
and also, Happy birthday, ma!
i couldnt be happier for you.
you are my breath, my veins, my role-model, and everything.
i'm so lucky to have you as my mom and everything you can be.
long live the queen!
haha

♥♥♥

in the mid of mad rainy day

2010-05-15T06:55:00.000-07:00

the clock was tickling, time was jiggling
you came along

just like a song
in a mid of mad rainy day

fancied...
it was clearly unidentified
as mine might be

whence this odd throb came?

when doubt popped
it signified
the magic

whence this myth of sweet dreams?

was it real?

in a mid of mad rainy day
you came along
just like a song

:)

.mela.may15th2010.

original title: in the mid of may.
just to clear things up. hehe :p

madmonths

2010-05-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

two mad mad mad months.
want to spill everything out here,
but my eyebags are begging me to sleep.
:/

i'm going to pile up the yarn of tales to be told later on.
especially when i'm fully awake, not in the delusion state as now.
lots of pictures to share, stories to tell, stress to be released,
and deranged weeks to be fled off.

keeping the warm of my mushy heart under my blanket throughout the night
have a nice sleep, fine people out there!
dont let the nightmares eat your mind up
:)

some earlier, some later

2010-05-08T08:33:00.000-07:00

i fell too deep

2010-05-08T08:20:00.000-07:00

the sketch about you was drawn by my wandering mind
with things i believed you had.
I got too carried away.
you are nothing like i thought you were.

the way you responded wasnt the way i expected it would be.
everybody has limits to carry out things they can do.
but then, i just smiled.

"Smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight"
-DamnRightTweets

going green

2010-04-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

my old smudgy baby laptop is back!
*smiling ear to ear*
*stroking my laptop gently*
haha

ANYWAY...

i have a mission with my friends that we talked about long time ago.
actually it's been few months, since december, if i'm not mistaken
but i haven't got the chance to write
aka i totally forgot (yeah, it's genetic)

the plan is simple,
we have to think green.

look! my new profile pic at facebook. lols

things we've done:
we reduce the use of plastics whenever we buy something,
then we always bring our own water bottles from home,
so that we don't have to buy plastic mineral water at campus.
and we never throw trash away besides in its proper place, the mighty garbage bin :)
we save water decently. we save electricity right.
and of course, we joined Earth Hour recently!

Support the Green movement!
it's the life in it that matters. we are the life in it.

"The earth is what we all have in common"
-Wendell Barry

no goodbyes :)

2010-04-07T05:35:00.000-07:00

"Friendship: No Goodbyes, No Farewells.
Just a promise that no matter what happens
it will always be forever."

-ihatequotes

map

2010-04-07T05:30:00.000-07:00

"I am just the map
you use to find her."

-unknown

leverage - idol - glee

2010-04-07T04:55:00.000-07:00

HAHAHA

Happy Belated Easter, peeps!

couldnt update last sunday, my laptop is hospitalized :(
few screws are broken.
and yes, i am the criminal beneath it all.
lol.

anyway, i'm currently watching American Idol 2010.
it's 9 guys left.

wishing Michael Lynche to go swiftly to the finale (google him!)

after american idol, glee will be up!
today is a serious heaven.

my last class was canceled, i was able not to spend ANY money at campus,
and just watched LEVERAGE season 2 on AXN!

if i havent run out of my chocolate mint truffles,
today would just complete this week well :)

oh my, Aaron Kelly is singing!
gotta go, peeps

may the joy of easter brings new hope and new opportunities for us to be reborn.
it means, put out your cigarettes and button up your shirt, boys.
:)

love!

ps:
i deleted the comment section.
i think there were some problems with it, but i dont know what :(
if you want to comment, please do it on the chatbox
i am waiting for some feedbacks :p
(since i rarely get comments -_____-)

cloudy

2010-03-31T19:38:00.000-07:00

if today would be partly cloudy, i would laugh in joy.
for today i will see you.
and entertaining myself with the stabbing pain
that i deserve since long ago.
wish we'll have some random moments together.
but i know the insecurity when you're around me.
the words are utterly crushed before i spit them out.
no another chance to prove myself.
crystal clear.
you've chosen.

just please
dont break her heart.
dont play her heart.
dont stab her heart.

smiling :)

ps: have civics test today and havent studied. ugh.

a gentle slap of realization

2010-03-31T19:32:00.000-07:00

"Why was Snow White given an apple with poison?
To show that not all people are as kind as what they pretend to be.

Why did Cinderella have to run away when the clock stroke midnight?
To remind us that everything has limitations, even dreams.

Why did Ariel decide to exchange her fins with feet?
To show that anyone is willing to give up anything just to be happy."

-unknown

glee club

2010-03-31T19:19:00.000-07:00

if there was glee club in indonesia,
maybe i'll consider joining it lols.
i'm not a really great singer, but at last i love to perform.
as i said on the left column, art is my passion haha.

anyway, i love watching this TV series.
one of a kind. cool. meaningful. funny.
it's a musical-comedy series that focuses on different people gather in one place,
the glee club.

i'd like to write the review, but am too lazy to type. sue me.
just google it.

gleek :)

college rocks

2010-03-31T18:45:00.000-07:00

full-posting today!
it's been weeks since my last post. college has been crazy most of the times.
in this moment, allow me to say this once and not for all- am going to say this often:

i fcking HEART college life!

as far as i learn from myself and friends, college is the perfect "basket" to conduct our talent and aptitude along the way of improving self-discovery and self-independent process.

the plentiful assignments and papers have also BEEN very, very, very ~~crazy~~ nurturing. err...

really, who am i kidding?
sometimes it's so hard just to spend one day without making assignments.
even in one week, i only watch the television ~~twice~~ thrice
american idol, glee, and american idol elimination results.
thats it.

but who cares, i'm strong.
it's nothing compares to what my mom has done for me.
shrink the factor over a thousand or a million.
my bad to make it such a hustle, for i'm not the one who worth the reward.
i wont complain too much.
this is my life, my struggle, it's nothing stacks up to my mom's battlefield.

love :)

starstruck

2010-03-30T15:08:00.000-07:00

haven't got the chance to blog.
been so beeh-zeeh.

just reporting my mood today:
starstruck.

jealous. much.

need a hug

2010-03-08T06:16:00.000-08:00

quoting

2010-03-08T05:57:00.000-08:00

"If you're going through hell,
keep going."
Winston Churchill

envy much

2010-02-27T11:52:00.000-08:00

i shouldnt say this. but i need to let it out of my mind.

so, am gonna tell you about some of my girlfriends.

1st friend.
i've been friends with this girl since the early days in my 2nd year of senior high.
she was this typical angel-like girl. with thick dark hair, tall, thin, and very beautiful.
She was beautiful, really smart, straight, and honest.
She did modelling.
I feel like she came out of a comic book.
She was flawless.

2nd friend.
We became friends quickly after a brief meeting, since we shared the same car whenever we went to school.
She's another super friend of mine. The kind of forceful, distinct, strong, and bold figure, but fragile at times too.
She has this personality that everyone likes and she is very straightforward in words and actions.

3rd friend.
Two words: totally likable.
She pretty, cute, and funny. She's shorter than me. And she's very feminine.
She has good fashion sense, just like my 1st friend.
She used to be my best friend. We still are, but not as close as it was.

They're all my best buddies. and i'm jealous of them. literally.
It's not that I'm not being grateful towards the blessings my life has been given.
But as a girl nor as a human, i really couldnt stand the outlying balances that are visible to one's eyes.
Jealousy is humane.
I cant help but envy everything about them and pushing aside the potential substance in our friendship.
I contravene the extreme standard in being one's friend. But this is my extreme level of honesty.

Sometimes I even wander, do they really like me for who I am?
Because sometimes, the label "best friends" seems so cliche for me.
I tried my best to look compatible with them.
But still, it's so hard to catch up the realm where there's a big difference.
I lost my confidence whenever I'm with them.
They shine so bright like there are spotlights following them wherever they step over.
And I'm the one who holds the spotlight.
Seriously.

I dont want to say that I dont like being friends with them.
But sometimes it's so tough to overcome my nervousness around them.
To try hard to be able to look compatible with them.
To smile when I want to scream.

I love my friends.
But sometimes it feels like a burden to be friends with people who outshine so much.
And sometimes I really want to ask them if I'm really the right match for them.
Or we just became friends by chances and got stuck in the opaque relationship that I can never seem to understand.
Because I know that I still dont know you better and you still dont know me better as well.

I do really love you guys.
This is all just an honest fall-out from the tears i tend to shed once in a while for being a hypocrite too many times in front of you
:(

"Knowin' you can always count on me for sure
That's what friends are for
Well, you came and open me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you"
Stevie Wonder-That's What Friends Are For

random

2010-02-22T02:20:00.000-08:00

The sun is high.
I'm sitting on the balcony.
Watching the sky turns gray.
As the rain drops slowly.
I'm putting my frown away.
And realizing I'm 19.

"There's still time for you
Time to buy
and time to lose"
Five For Fighting - 100 years

late resolutions

2010-02-14T05:27:00.000-08:00

today i made a list of resolutions-to-be-done-this-year:

join a korean course at the language center of my campus (new recruitment)
learn how to cook at my cousin's school, on either june or july. for real.
being able to drive smoothly.
try o pursue a scholarship, at least for my college tuition each semester.

reasons that demand me to nail them all:

have enormous interest in korean culture. i've pulled off an autodidact learning of how to write and read hangul since my early high school years, and i really need to learn the vocabs and grammar :)
my mom told me to. dont ask.
i know that driving is in my blood. i must fulfill this task to lighten my mom's load a little bit *burning up*
i want to TRY. it's just because. dont ask this too :p

tomorrow's my first day of 2nd semester.
it's a good start that i already have resolutions to motivate me along the way
and to learn about committing to certain things that i, myself ducked to my head
not just another word to be failed.

soo, wish me luck!

another quote

2010-02-14T04:52:00.000-08:00

i dont know why
but i really love quoting lately lol
it's motivational, for some people.
so, here's for today:

"it's kind of fun to do the impossible"

-Walt Disney

congratulatory

2010-02-14T04:44:00.000-08:00

peeps!

happy chinese new year
and

happy bloody valentine's day

yeah.
whatever.

"i like the way i cant keep my focus,
i watch you talk you didnt notice
i hear the words but all i can think is
we should be together"
Taylor Swift - Jump Then Fall

QOTD

2010-02-08T04:17:00.000-08:00

"by failing to prepare,
you are preparing to fail"

-benjamin franklin

:)

2010-02-06T19:24:00.000-08:00

it's 10 minutes past mellow-ing o'clock

2010-02-06T18:57:00.000-08:00

each time i turned on the radio
the songs playing were like mocking and taunting me
*flabby feelings*

"i'm certain that i've given and oh how you can take
there's no use in you lookin
there's nothing left for you to break"

rascal flatts - pieces

our super grandma

2010-02-06T18:30:00.000-08:00

i know that grandmothers are biologically programmed to love us
but sometimes it's getting over the top and outbalanced.
we love her.
she loves us.
but we have to overbear her excessive naggings at times.
*poke Erika*
:(

it's not that i don't like her being around us all times
but we need our quality times with ourselves too.
we're not 6 years old who need to be given instructions and dictations
so we can successfully manage our daily activities without getting into troubles.

well, am just pouring out the thoughts.
she's a super grandma anyway
:)

i never told you

2010-02-06T08:17:00.000-08:00

"but i never told you, what i should've said
no, i never told you, i just held it in
and now, i miss everything about you
can't believe that i still want you"

colbie caillat - i never told you

3 columns

2010-02-06T07:48:00.000-08:00

new layout.
simplicity it is.

i'm really not a good designer or photoshoper.
wild instinct has been always being the base.

anyhow, this is the old design i made myself

ridiculous, right?

but the bright side is
i'm quite familiar now with those html thingy,
but still not close friends with photoshop lols

so,
i was trying to figure out the 3 columns html
by juggling around in the "edit html" spot for 4 straight hours.

in the end, i like it. much.
it's for personal consumption anyway.

under reconstruction

2010-02-03T04:56:00.000-08:00

UNDER RECONSTRUCTION

going to change to my own layout SOON
:)

hiatus

2010-02-03T03:28:00.000-08:00

PING!

hey peeps
been on hiatus for a month and a week
i tweet more recently
sorry, baby blog :(
things have been spicing up a little bit
and lots of good things came too
and i've done some good deeds too lols *swanky*

first thing first...
HAPPY CHRISTMAS!
in case i forget to wish you again the years after :p

and
HAPPY 2010
:)

though it's february already, but i still wanna congratulate me and you all
for successfully walked over from 2009 to 2010 happily

january
has been
aweerrsomee
a lot to tell

gotta go now
:)

let's adventure more, laugh more, seize more, be in the moment

thanks, ma ♥

2009-12-22T20:12:00.000-08:00

thank you
for the womb, as i slept profoundly comfy
in that nine impeccable months

thank you
for the sleepless nights you hold out
for my selfish baby cries

thank you
for the full cup of care that never ran empty
when i broke every leg of the barbie you bought

thank you
for the strain you tolerated to suffer
just to drove me to places where i got enjoyment,
while you still need to go to the office

thank you
for the allowance you gave without any suspicion
but instead, i didnt use it wisely and misused your trust in me

thank you
for every resentful scolding you shouted to make me sane
each time i acted like a childish bantling

thank you
for every advice you ducked in my head
just to keep pace with my maturity headway

thank you
for every sensitive story you shared
because you trusted me like the way i trusted you

thank you
for every sigh you dropped hard
because of the stupid mistakes i did

thank you
for hundreds of phone calls you made
simply because you were worried or needed to know where i was

thank you
for every brave fight you would stand for
just so i could be protected from public shamefacedness

thank you
for every wound and sad tear you bear
because of my babyish mutiny behavior

thank you
for each divine tear you shed
every time i made you proud in front of the student's hall

thank you
for every joke you spoke
just to cheer up my whole day

thank you
for every precious second
just for being there for me

thank you
for every motherly kiss you landed
just because you felt like it

thank you
for every mighty hug and embrace you wrapped around me
just to comfort me, or simply because your my mom

thank you
for your guidance that accompany me throughout my 19 years
because you want me to grow up in my own genuine pathway
like how you used to passed through

thank you
for millions of elegant and decent smiles you drew
just to keep my heart in the mildest state
and to remind me i still have you :)

i love you.
forever.
and always.

happy supermother's day, maa!
♥♥♥♥

mela.122209.

Batubara : Kekayaan Alam atau Kekayaan Produksi?

2009-12-19T01:04:00.000-08:00

Kekayaan alam Indonesia tak dapat diragukan lagi merupakan potensi yang luar biasa yang dapat dikembangkan untuk proses produksi negara. Salah satunya ialah tambang batubara yang dimiliki Indonesia yang dikenal sebagai pemasok batubara bertaraf internasional, misalnya di Kalimantan. Laporan ABARE (Australian Bureau Research for Agriculture and Economic Resource) Maret 2007 perihal perdagangan batubara dunia menempatkan Indonesia sebagai pemasok batubara terbesar (sekitar 25%) di dunia, disusul oleh Australia, Afrika Selatan, RRChina, Federasi Rusia, Kolombia, dan Amerika Serikat.

Namun, sangat disayangkan bahwa deposit batubara di negara distributor maupun konsumen lebih besar daripada di Indonesia sendiri, padahal di negara lain pun tambang batubara yang mereka miliki tak kalah "kaya"-nya dari Indonesia. Hal ini diakibatkan karena penambangan batubara Indonesia berorientasikan pasar dan mementingkan profit yang masuk demi ekonomi negara. Sebaiknya kegiatan ekspor batubara dibatasi agar eksploitasi yang terjadi ataupun yang disetujui Indonesia dengan negara pengimpor tidak melebihi batas dan dapat menjamin ketersediaan batubara di dalam negeri. Terutama mengingat kebutuhan dunia makin tinggi, hal ini harus segera ditanggulangi sejak dini.

Bahkan, selain penambangan batubara legal, belakangan ini semakin marak penambangan ilegal yang dilakukan. Aktivitasnya dilakukan secara terbuka (openpit) sehingga tidak memerlukan teknologi yang rumit dan biaya besar seperti penambangan di bawah tanah (underground). Hal semacam ini harus segera diatasi. Pemerintah harus ekstra ketat dalam mengelola tambang. Pengerukan batubara besar-besaran yang tak terkontrol, kelak akan menimbukan masalah besar. Karena selain berdampak pada ketersediaan sumber daya alam Indonesia, dampak pada lingkungan juga berpotensial sangat besar. Selain efek rumah kaca (global warming), dapat juga terjadi anatar lain perubahan bentang lahan, penurunan kualitas udara, tanah, air, serta perubahan tatanan sosial budaya.

Batubara di masa yang akan datang diharapkan dapat menggantikan minyak bumi sebagai sumber energi bagi industri dalam dan luar negeri dan untuk memenuhi kebutuhan pasar luar negeri. Selain itu, pemerintah juga telah menganjurkan penggunaan briket batubara sebagai alterbatif pengganti bahan bakar minyak tanah untuk keperluan rumah tangga. Di sisi negatifnya, hal ini justru mendorong perusahaan swasta nasional maupun asing untuk melakukan eksploitas batubara yang lebih besar lagi.

Pemerintah harus benar-benar melakukan redefinisi dan reorientasi eksploitasi pertambangan agar benar-benar bermanfaat bagi rakyat. Serta lebih mengerti konteks ekonomi dan energi global yang dianut negara maju, yaitu sumber daya alam yang kita miliki seharusnya disimpan, dan menggunakan sumber daya alam negara lain. Tentunya hal ini harus dilakukan langkah demi langkah. Ironinya, pihak Indonesia justru "obral" sumber daya alam pada luar negeri.

Jika hal ini dapat terlaksana dengan baik, di masa depannya Indonesia tentunya akan lebih maju lagi. Kita tidak boleh membiarkan hal ini melanda generasi kita, sehingga yang kita wariskan pada anak cucu hanyalah kerusakan alam. Untuk itu, pengawasan secara kontinyu terhadap perkembangan aktivitas eksploitasi sumber daya alam harus diperhatikan. Kelestarian alam ialah salah satu modal negara kita untuk maju. Jika dihabiskan sekarang, yang tersisa hanyalah provokasi negara adikuasa yang bisa mengontrol negara kita.

Negara kita jika dikelola oleh orang yang tepat maka negara kita bisa maju pesat dalam waktu ya singkat karena negara kita punya sumebr daya alam yang lebih dari cukup. Maka kesadaran dari pemerintah maupun rakyat lah yang diperlukan. Mengelola, melestarikan, dan menjaga alam lingkungan negara kita ialah tugas kita semua.

robbed

2009-12-15T01:17:00.000-08:00

last tuesday

10.33 PM.

i got robbed.

ugh.

lost my wallet.

i was sitting on the back of my friend's motorcycle.

my friend was driving.

after a theater rehearsal.

on a dull and murky street near my junior high.

2 thieves on a motor,

pulled my bag from aside.

and took away my bag.

it contained my wallet and one of my college book about religion philosophy

we went to a police office straightaway.

reported what exactly happened on the street.

and i cried.

the next day was the first day of my final exam

oh, such agony.

let yesterday's problems be tomorrow's lessons.

for you: treasure everything right.

:(

ps:
anyway, i'm pretty sure the thieves have already repented their bad deeds.
they brought my religion-philosophy book :p

poets are mad

2009-12-06T04:25:00.000-08:00

i t i s o b v i o u s
:)

random saying

2009-11-30T07:19:00.000-08:00

"if you can count your money,
you don't have a billion dollars."

J. Paul Getty (1892-1976)

will the national exam take an absence?

2009-11-29T10:06:00.001-08:00

National Examination (UN) always becomes a "specter" year by year for students who are at their last year of school. Sometimes it is even considered antagonistic to some students who have not passed the criterion because after all the years of schooling, the decision is resulted from several insufficient marks from UN which don't comply the qualified standards. Various facts that we find in the accomplishment of UN are seen like an irony in which the country aims to make equal distribution of education quality. While in some remote areas or concession areas, there are still many educators with inadequate quality compared to ones in the cities. That is also including their lack of learning facilities and infrastructure, and information access. Yet, the affair in equalizing the national standards in elementary school, junior, and senior high still remains to be done, more tragic, it is used as a requirement in the selection for their higher level of education, like college. Some who want to continue their education in better institution with better standard than their before-schools are confined by the school's inability to bring them there. Very ironic.

Through a press release, the Minister of National Education in Indonesia, M. Nuh said that in 2010 the Ministry of National Education will make changes to the implementation of National Examination (UN). The decision is the people in charge in determining the graduates are the teachers who embroiled in the students' learning process. So, if there are students who score 10, but according to the teachers, he/she isn't possible to graduate, then like that it shall be done," said the Minister of National Education, M. Nuh. Likewise, it was also reported that by next year, students who are unable to participate in UN at the appointed time, due by sickness or any other thing, will be given opportunity to participate through Overtake Examination. Whilst, for the implementation of National Examination in the coming years still doesn't have any certainty, to be hels out or not.

From my opinion, I agree that there are some things that should be changed in UN 2010. The national standards set by the state ought to continue to run, but the determinaton of standards in each area should be adapted to the local circumstances. For example, UN graduation standards in big cities just remains 5.5, while for remote areas 4.75 or thereabouts. After that, schools with lower-qualification standards must be given some additional subjects or what we call matriculation. It is done in order to even up the lessons from schools of big cities. Thus, being less confident or the delay in obtaining some lessons will not be a barrier for them to take college entrance test in the city.

This will be one of the key in which the government can run the true purpose of UN as an equalizer in eduaction quality development. Moreover, this can be supported also by the development of qualified eduators taht's getting lessened in our country and hopefully more capable educators can be sent evenly in different places, not just focused in big cities.

I also want to opine about the security, the held of expansion security is needed, because from year to year fraudulency kept happening on and on. Students' motivation had always been only to "graduate" smoothly without minding the true purpose of UN. Let's change that paradigm.

In the future, I clearly think that National Examination should not be held anymore, due to many contradictions brewing, especially when it is said the tendency is for the education quality development's sake, which sounds so cliche for most people nowadays. However, I wish the absence of UN does not mean that the quality standards at each school will just stay the same or even decrease. The government must put more state budget on education, therefore small schools can develop from within and make their breakthroughs in the future.
(11.29.09, mela)

--------mela was thinking so HARD before she wrote this LOL :D

letting go

2009-11-29T06:23:00.000-08:00

"there are some things, that I guess I'll never know.
when you love someone, you got to learn to let them go"
when I dream about you-Stevie B

boy,
you know how i never let things about you slip away
well,
today i am
as the rain pouring down
i'm letting you go
and love,
don't make a scene
or i'll sell you to the mob
seriously.

♥♥♥

somehow,
we act as adults when we know deep inside we haven't grown up.
the melodrama is actually the point
to live this effing paths more lively.
otherwise,
breaking the rules is the only fun we have.
gosh. i'm such a kid.

WELCOMING THE SUNSHINE!

dear mom, xoxo
dear siblings, xoxo
dear friends, xoxo
dear life, xoxo

:D

ps: currently writing my journalistic assignment :(
will publish it soon after this!

rain

2009-11-21T03:26:00.000-08:00

and it rained!!
hallelujah.

stupidly falling

2009-11-15T00:19:00.000-08:00

i know you're a mistake
a mistake i really didn't mind
i know you're a jerk
a jerk i always keep in mind
i know you're an element
a missing element for my swaying throb
i know you're an anchor
an anchor keeping my feet to the ground
i know you're a wing
a wing keeping me high in the clouds
i know you're the key

and the more i miss you, the more excruciating the lesion will be.

"i was a puzzle hiding in the dusty box missing your pieces"
-Tyler Knott Gregson

dry season = dying season

2009-11-12T07:54:00.000-08:00

dear mr. rain,
please come to our dwellings and chill the land
so that one won't be easily flare up,
yielded by the evil heat and the sweat
mingled into unreasonable anger

cant stand the heat :(
craving for the pouring rainfall that we havent detected since round a year ago.
AARGH. save me please.
even my laborious fan has already killed itself
(broken, chapped, and barely could be saved)
for working too hard to keep my ~~ass~~ mind remained in the mildest state.

just want to feel the rain on my skin :(
and smiling when the rain arrives.

...but still, the longing for thee is not comparable with the waiting for the water to come.

a totally fantastic birthday blast

2009-11-10T07:09:00.000-08:00

love. love. love.
celebrating my first birthday as a-kickass-college-student
before, i thought today will just be another ordinary day to pass through
but, HELL NO.

it's been an effingly tremendous moments to share :)

.morning surprise.
my classmates were so good in pretending.
especially Feli and Lie Chen hahaha.
they got me this cute blackforest cake and gave me a sudden surprise before the class started.
and yes, i was totally touched, i even cried a bit :p
you guys rawk me all the way :-*

.afternoon melancholy.
i was on-airing at 3-5 pm at Petra Campus Radio
because this is The Heroes' Day, we put topic about heroes in this era.
many of our friends said that parents are their number one heroes
(including moi :))
that ended up with Eddie giving us a story to read about parents.
that made me go boo-hoo, highly in the melancholy state lols.
i cried all the way til the end and thought of the vivid description that the story told
of course, my mother :)
the story was so annoyingly-beautiful :p

.nighty blast.
theennnn, the story goes from here... :)
i promised to treat the crews to eat in this duck and chicken stall
*which was absolutely delicious*
so then we ate, took pictures, made some stupidly-cute videos, and took some pictures, again.
without smelling any rat, my friend Iva took my cellphone in order of safety HAHA.
and the others were preparing the bottles filled with water and i-dont-know-what-the-hell-was-that liquid, without my knowing.
and they splashed the sticky-liquid all over me without mercy.

and just now, the updated conversation from twitter with cung-cung:

@cung2: @melaarr i told u. we made some special liquid that we splashed to u. it made from out-dated joytea and fruit tea. sounds good, eh?
@melaarr: @cung2 out-dated...? they went in my mouth and they tasted delicious. oh wow.
@cung2: @melaarr with bonus pulpy, of course. thats the secret, why its so delicious

and it explains A LOT lols.

but anyway, i had a total blast today!!!
my best birthday so far :)

i l o v e y o u p c r c r e w s

casually ordinary

2009-11-09T06:55:00.000-08:00

tomorrow's my birthday.
and i don't expect anything special this year.
just trying to be more mature, in every way.

and of course, slimmer. HAHA
and, yeah....

stressed out

2009-10-30T20:28:00.000-07:00

i said that things became much much better.
I lied.

things not going right these last few weeks.
i don't want to say that I have too many problem, because I'm actually too young to get frantic.
but yes, the wrath is already at the butt end of my line of sanity.

I won't give specific explanation about this sentiment.
but to wrap it up,
the state of affairs in my family haven't gone ~~fair~~ well, lately.

first of all, my older brother is being a betch.
second of all, I think I'm being a betch at campus, almost all the time, and I come home like everything's going fine. so I'm still a betch at home.
third of all... I can't say. but it's a matter of our economical state :(
what should I do to help my mom?
fourth of all, i need to forget him, and i know it's ~~tough~~ easy. so stupid.
fifth of all, i gotta stop being a pain-on-the-ass for my friends. since my double-faced personality takes a big dominant part in this friendship, if that's what you call it.
the last one, I need to pray MORE :(

i always put upright face and swear to make things right with the way i smile.
but reality bites.

it is said,
the whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

aha! wiser people always full of doubts.
with us having problems or non-confident characters
we may tell ourselves that those effing shits make our maturing issues being cooked-well,
then slap your face.
i know, reality still bites,
but at least the last thing we know if we just live by the rules we live by,
we'll survive.

better

2009-10-29T21:28:00.000-07:00

feeling much much much better
the zest is pumped!

:D

too bitter

2009-10-28T06:08:00.000-07:00

would you say it's too cliche when people say
failures are only stupid intersections before you reach success.
people take that saying as their "guide"
each time they make a mistake (including me, of course)
but now i just find that failures don't always come easy
*i know you know*
especially, when you fail something NOT BY your lack of aptitude or ability
but by the people you TRUST to work with
and you get rejected because they just HEAR what you say, but DON'T LISTEN.
what i see is just unprofessionalism.

when you have this dream to get involved in something,
that you've been longing for, let's say, 3YEARS.
and this thing is one of the strongest reason that take to where you are, let's say, COLLEGE.
and you planned to join the program when you arrive at the right time, let's say, now.
you wish so hard, because you know you have all the qualifications in that field
but the person you have to pass thru to achieve that "moment"
is a sloppy bastard.

the waiting's so not worth that one time entry process.
this yearning for 3 years crumble just by 20 minutes talks.
i would understand and love to retry again next year,
only IF i got rejected by the sportive way.
but this, nada.

........
........
.......
.......
........

i'm sorry if you don't understand a word i'm saying :x
because in the end,
i don't want to blame others too much
i just need to channel the anger of this split second somewhere.
nowhere, but here
and yes, i'm feeling better :)

next year, i'm coming. maybe. definitely. i don't know... thinking!

enjoy your being

2009-10-21T06:22:00.000-07:00

so in love with inspirational picture-quotes these days :)

i am the criminal

2009-10-14T07:47:00.000-07:00

is it just a myth that gives me sweet dreams?
in my world of mutiny, i scream
when i see you, there's this signify
no common-sense can define this stupid flutter
how foolish i am, i dont regret
crimsoned, it's the clue of embargo
mingled, the smiles and the sores
it's my ultimate fantasy, please dont heed my eyes
because i am the evilish viper
and my heart is the weapon

life is unpredictable

2009-10-12T22:44:00.000-07:00

i'm going in a serious state.
there are 2 tales to tell today.
i experienced it a week after college started and the other one was...
two weeks ago.
it's not about me, but about others' life experience, the vivid life example.
i now know what my friend, alvin, said about our lives are simply perfect.

first story (two weeks ago)
when i went to a paint store with my mom, we met someone.
it was an employee of a quite big optic store
where my mom and I bought glasses there, as regular customers.
he did the administration of the store and always gave us the most sincere smile he had.
and i believe that his economic state wasn't bad, he was... adequate.
this is the glasses i bought there, my favorite ace:

err... is it making my tale less serious? lol :p
anyway, this is how we met,
when we finished buying 3 cans of paint for my mural competition,
we got back to the car, and ready to hit the road.
while i took some change and opened the window to pay the parking fee,
there he was...
he was the parking man.
with ragged clothes and unshaven beard.
shocked, he and my mom talk a few minutes,
with teary eyes he told us that the store got bankrupt.
because the selling wasn't good, especially after the owner found out that their family's inheritance couldn't ooze out.
they had no choice than closing the store and they didn't even pay ALL of the employees. :(
i cried after i heard the story.

moving on, next story.
one week after college started, still in the orientation week :x
i went to a food stall, with feli, near our boarding house.
before our foods came, i SUDDENLY remembered a song I REALLY LIKE.
it's an Indonesian song, and i love it since i was in junior high.
entitled "EYELESS" or "WITHOUT EYES" or something like it haha.
it's about a blind man who yearn the love of a girl and he can still sees her in his dream :'(
the lyric goes something like this in english :p (download here):
in the soleness,
there's no longer the warmth of your hugs
i try to hold out restlessly in the dark,
there's no longer light to brighten my steps
i try to walk, eyeless
chorus:
i'm eyeless...
but i still can see you smiling in my deepest fantasy
i'm eyeless...
but i still can see you dancing in my imagination
eyeless... restlessly...

i sang it to feli and i felt the longing for not singing that song in a quite long time.
10 minutes after we had that-sad-song-conversation and getting mellow every minute, suddenly an old couple went in to the stall. sit right behind our table.
the guy was blind.

the woman helped him all the way while eating.

she opened a conello ice cream for him and put it in his arm.

they eat together. she talked to him close to his ear.

that's the ultimate coincidence that ever happened to me.

can't say more :(

just be happy for everything. life doesn't come twice.

2 more days!

2009-10-12T01:25:00.000-07:00

mid-exams gonna END in 2 days.
wish me all the best :(

2009-10-10T20:02:00.000-07:00

even if it breaks

reverse the subject

2009-10-10T19:04:00.000-07:00

just the way it is ♥♥

thanks www.weheartit.com

a stupid figment

2009-10-10T18:38:00.000-07:00

when the night ended
i carved a smile to finish all
bethought things came to pass my eyes
how fortunate i was, i could never imagine
i clearly feel blessed
you cast aside my dismays
though eventually
you're just a figment i can't brush off

leverage season 2

2009-10-07T05:17:00.000-07:00

ye all know Nate Ford, right? if you don't, go find out, suckers! lol.
anyway, the picture above is the first season.
I finished watching it last August. and now....
can't wait for the 2nd season coming on DVDs!! ♥♥♥

I *heart* (lots) leverage
nate, parker, sophie, hardison, eliot

♥♥♥ mom ♥♥♥

2009-10-07T04:36:00.000-07:00

extreme hypocritical me

2009-10-06T00:48:00.000-07:00

it's my middle-tests' week :(
gotta study. no provoking.
but i need to admit, along these few weeks.
the overflow emotions i've been feeling, are just way too exaggerate.

a bunch of kids at my campus are playing fad-and-heed.
they LOVE seeking attention, stormy.
they have this clique where I can't find the importance in forming it (okay, up to them).
and... i don't like them. (yes, i AM an extreme hypocritical)

do I need to wail more?
or I just have to fess up that I'm actually cankered.
I'm human.

or maybe I got all sentiment on 'em cause one of the limb once did a serious trespass to my line.
still, according to my margin, not his. dang.

so then, I get all melancholy easily and always look on their actions halfheartedly.

I know this is wrong, but I'm not out of my mind.
I DON'T LIKE THEM!!

i have some introspection to do.
I'm bad. save me :(

"Keep a fair-sized cemetery in your backyard in which to bury the faults of your friends."

I forgive. but I don't forget.

when you're older

2009-10-06T00:32:00.000-07:00

tweet-quotes

2009-10-04T06:50:00.000-07:00

i'm collecting a lot of my denotative tweets:

eyeless... i'm maddened by your ignorance in an endless craving.
don't want to be caught in the moment that never comes. i don't want to make another mistake like you~~
it was never meant to be
twas deep the night, the more obsolete the maze getting.
still up and it's not late night but I dreamed about you already
it's funny how one person can change you to a whole and a few seconds later he slaps you right on the face and crumple your knees down.
#songthatmademecry in my daughter's eyes, slipping through through my fingers, gravity, two is better than one

enough for now :)
roaarrr

mamma mia!

2009-10-04T06:13:00.000-07:00

currently watching mamma mia!
it's my favorite musical movie of all time, besides HSM :)
while watching this, it begs the question,
should I invite my father to my wedding in the future?

days to come are just perfect :)

2009-09-27T03:26:00.000-07:00

ON-AIR!

haven't posted anything in a while :)
that's a pic of me on-airing with ms. Puput.
yes, I got accepted as an announcer in my campus' radio.
lucky me :D

to make a long story short, life as a college student has been:

busy
fun
crazy
busy (have I mentioned it?)
and lastly... busy.

most likely word to describe everything :/

anyway yesterday I went to the mall with the bitches
a.k.a (half of) versatile lol

pics are better than any syllable (not always, just for now) ^^

for life. amen :D

and I know, days to come are just perfect.

redesigned template

2009-09-23T08:15:00.000-07:00

new layout fellas.
yeah, not very good.
i know.

love each day more

2009-09-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

aww :)
correcto

love

2009-08-28T19:40:00.000-07:00

is sooooooo in love :D
with
THIS GUY

he who can make me laugh til it hurts
LOL

check this out too

xoxo

2009-08-24T03:41:00.000-07:00

MISS MY HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS
SO MUCH!!!

our generation's addiction

2009-08-19T07:49:00.000-07:00

haven't opened my twitter for so longgg.
well, I update, of course. but i don't see everyone else's tweets.
so now I'm sitting and been opening twitter for hours just to see their updates.
lol

viva facebook
and twitter :p

me on a saturday night

2009-08-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

they say that one picture interprets thousands words.
so, here goes:

pathetic?

COLLEGE

2009-08-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

first of all... it's my new facebook's profile pic! lol

yes. I know. I am retarded.

It's been a week since I started life as a college student.
I had fun. I got friends. I met great lecturers. what else do I need? :p
anyway, because it was still the first week, there was still some mis-scheduled between the courses.
So we had to DILIGENTLY read the announcement board, like every hour.

been so tired. weary. infatuated. frenzied.

will go for a meeting at church tomorrow.
it feels like ages since the last I met my church's friends. miss them.
but I miss my high school friends moreeeee =(

Some people say, when you're in high school, you'll miss your junior high memories.
but when you're in college, you'll miss your high school moments <3.

...........
.........
......
....
..

well... life does go on :D

tomorrow

2009-08-14T06:47:00.000-07:00

can't post any story today :(
been busy these several days.
just got home from campus and extremely exhaustedddd.
will talk about it tomorrow.

going to sleep soon.

:D

radio announcer?

2009-08-11T06:24:00.000-07:00

my campus held this interview thing starting tomorrow to find new radio announcers.

yes. not my world.

but to kill my curiosity, i decided that i will come to the interview. just because...

I WANT TO KNOW MORE.
and i want to learn more...
and i want to be 'something' more.

besides, i've scheduled for next month or maybe october to join an intensive training in radio announcing at an institution.

sooo... *crossing my fingers*

hoping the best for my progress :D

first day

2009-08-09T05:11:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is the first day of college!! xD

subject: Public Relation Introduction.

can't wait .
.
.
.
.