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Friday, October 30, 2009

stressed out

i said that things became much much better.
I lied.

things not going right these last few weeks.
i don't want to say that I have too many problem, because I'm actually too young to get frantic.
but yes, the wrath is already at the butt end of my line of sanity.

I won't give specific explanation about this sentiment.
but to wrap it up,
the state of affairs in my family haven't gone ~~fair~~ well, lately.

first of all, my older brother is being a betch.
second of all, I think I'm being a betch at campus, almost all the time, and I come home like everything's going fine. so I'm still a betch at home.
third of all... I can't say. but it's a matter of our economical state :(
what should I do to help my mom?
fourth of all, i need to forget him, and i know it's ~~tough~~ easy. so stupid.
fifth of all, i gotta stop being a pain-on-the-ass for my friends. since my double-faced personality takes a big dominant part in this friendship, if that's what you call it.
the last one, I need to pray MORE :(

i always put upright face and swear to make things right with the way i smile.
but reality bites.

it is said,
the whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

aha! wiser people always full of doubts.
with us having problems or non-confident characters
we may tell ourselves that those effing shits make our maturing issues being cooked-well,
then slap your face.
i know, reality still bites,
but at least the last thing we know if we just live by the rules we live by,
we'll survive.

Labels: college, feelings, friends, hell, life

Thursday, October 29, 2009

better

feeling much much much better
the zest is pumped!

:D

Labels: college, feelings

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

too bitter

would you say it's too cliche when people say
failures are only stupid intersections before you reach success.
people take that saying as their "guide"
each time they make a mistake (including me, of course)
but now i just find that failures don't always come easy
*i know you know*
especially, when you fail something NOT BY your lack of aptitude or ability
but by the people you TRUST to work with
and you get rejected because they just HEAR what you say, but DON'T LISTEN.
what i see is just unprofessionalism.

when you have this dream to get involved in something,
that you've been longing for, let's say, 3YEARS.
and this thing is one of the strongest reason that take to where you are, let's say, COLLEGE.
and you planned to join the program when you arrive at the right time, let's say, now.
you wish so hard, because you know you have all the qualifications in that field
but the person you have to pass thru to achieve that "moment"
is a sloppy bastard.

the waiting's so not worth that one time entry process.
this yearning for 3 years crumble just by 20 minutes talks.
i would understand and love to retry again next year,
only IF i got rejected by the sportive way.
but this, nada.

........
........
.......
.......
........

i'm sorry if you don't understand a word i'm saying :x
because in the end,
i don't want to blame others too much
i just need to channel the anger of this split second somewhere.
nowhere, but here
and yes, i'm feeling better :)

next year, i'm coming. maybe. definitely. i don't know... thinking!

Labels: anger, college, crap, expressions, life

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

enjoy your being

so in love with inspirational picture-quotes these days :)

Labels: life, quote

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

i am the criminal

is it just a myth that gives me sweet dreams?
in my world of mutiny, i scream
when i see you, there's this signify
no common-sense can define this stupid flutter
how foolish i am, i dont regret
crimsoned, it's the clue of embargo
mingled, the smiles and the sores
it's my ultimate fantasy, please dont heed my eyes
because i am the evilish viper
and my heart is the weapon

Labels: life, love, why oh why

Monday, October 12, 2009

life is unpredictable

i'm going in a serious state.
there are 2 tales to tell today.
i experienced it a week after college started and the other one was...
two weeks ago.
it's not about me, but about others' life experience, the vivid life example.
i now know what my friend, alvin, said about our lives are simply perfect.

first story (two weeks ago)
when i went to a paint store with my mom, we met someone.
it was an employee of a quite big optic store
where my mom and I bought glasses there, as regular customers.
he did the administration of the store and always gave us the most sincere smile he had.
and i believe that his economic state wasn't bad, he was... adequate.
this is the glasses i bought there, my favorite ace:

err... is it making my tale less serious? lol :p
anyway, this is how we met,
when we finished buying 3 cans of paint for my mural competition,
we got back to the car, and ready to hit the road.
while i took some change and opened the window to pay the parking fee,
there he was...
he was the parking man.
with ragged clothes and unshaven beard.
shocked, he and my mom talk a few minutes,
with teary eyes he told us that the store got bankrupt.
because the selling wasn't good, especially after the owner found out that their family's inheritance couldn't ooze out.
they had no choice than closing the store and they didn't even pay ALL of the employees. :(
i cried after i heard the story.

moving on, next story.
one week after college started, still in the orientation week :x
i went to a food stall, with feli, near our boarding house.
before our foods came, i SUDDENLY remembered a song I REALLY LIKE.
it's an Indonesian song, and i love it since i was in junior high.
entitled "EYELESS" or "WITHOUT EYES" or something like it haha.
it's about a blind man who yearn the love of a girl and he can still sees her in his dream :'(
the lyric goes something like this in english :p (download here):
in the soleness,
there's no longer the warmth of your hugs
i try to hold out restlessly in the dark,
there's no longer light to brighten my steps
i try to walk, eyeless
chorus:
i'm eyeless...
but i still can see you smiling in my deepest fantasy
i'm eyeless...
but i still can see you dancing in my imagination
eyeless... restlessly...

i sang it to feli and i felt the longing for not singing that song in a quite long time.
10 minutes after we had that-sad-song-conversation and getting mellow every minute, suddenly an old couple went in to the stall. sit right behind our table.
the guy was blind.

the woman helped him all the way while eating.

she opened a conello ice cream for him and put it in his arm.

they eat together. she talked to him close to his ear.

that's the ultimate coincidence that ever happened to me.

can't say more :(

just be happy for everything. life doesn't come twice.

Labels: college, life, love, memories, miracle, special moments

2 more days!

mid-exams gonna END in 2 days.
wish me all the best :(

Labels: college, crap, exams

Saturday, October 10, 2009

more

even if it breaks

Labels: crap, love

reverse the subject

just the way it is ♥♥

thanks www.weheartit.com

Labels: love

a stupid figment

when the night ended
i carved a smile to finish all
bethought things came to pass my eyes
how fortunate i was, i could never imagine
i clearly feel blessed
you cast aside my dismays
though eventually
you're just a figment i can't brush off

Labels: life, love, miracle

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

leverage season 2

ye all know Nate Ford, right? if you don't, go find out, suckers! lol.
anyway, the picture above is the first season.
I finished watching it last August. and now....
can't wait for the 2nd season coming on DVDs!! ♥♥♥

I *heart* (lots) leverage
nate, parker, sophie, hardison, eliot

Labels: leverage, movies

♥♥♥ mom ♥♥♥

Labels: love, miracle, mom

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

extreme hypocritical me

it's my middle-tests' week :(
gotta study. no provoking.
but i need to admit, along these few weeks.
the overflow emotions i've been feeling, are just way too exaggerate.

a bunch of kids at my campus are playing fad-and-heed.
they LOVE seeking attention, stormy.
they have this clique where I can't find the importance in forming it (okay, up to them).
and... i don't like them. (yes, i AM an extreme hypocritical)

do I need to wail more?
or I just have to fess up that I'm actually cankered.
I'm human.

or maybe I got all sentiment on 'em cause one of the limb once did a serious trespass to my line.
still, according to my margin, not his. dang.

so then, I get all melancholy easily and always look on their actions halfheartedly.

I know this is wrong, but I'm not out of my mind.
I DON'T LIKE THEM!!

i have some introspection to do.
I'm bad. save me :(

"Keep a fair-sized cemetery in your backyard in which to bury the faults of your friends."

I forgive. but I don't forget.

Labels: anger, college, friends, life

when you're older

Labels: birthday, life, miracle

Sunday, October 4, 2009

tweet-quotes

i'm collecting a lot of my denotative tweets:

eyeless... i'm maddened by your ignorance in an endless craving.
don't want to be caught in the moment that never comes. i don't want to make another mistake like you~~
it was never meant to be
twas deep the night, the more obsolete the maze getting.
still up and it's not late night but I dreamed about you already
it's funny how one person can change you to a whole and a few seconds later he slaps you right on the face and crumple your knees down.
#songthatmademecry in my daughter's eyes, slipping through through my fingers, gravity, two is better than one

enough for now :)
roaarrr

mamma mia!

currently watching mamma mia!
it's my favorite musical movie of all time, besides HSM :)
while watching this, it begs the question,
should I invite my father to my wedding in the future?

Labels: life