25 is my new favorite number
:p

this smile just won't fade away easily.
i trust you.
and i know you'll do the same.

hundreds of thank yous will never be enough
for so much that you've given.
but, thanks :)

♥♥

"You know that in the end, it's better to say much
than to never say what you need to say again.
Even if you're hands are shaking
and your faith is broken,
even if the eyes are closing,
do it with a heart wide open, a wide heart.
Say what you need to say, say what you need to say"

John Mayer - Say

^^

The truth is rarely pure and never simple~
Truth, in matters of religion, is simply the opinion that has survived~

"i knew when we collided
you're the one i have decided.
who's one of my kind.
you see, i can be myself now finally.
in fact, there's nothing i can't be"

Train - Hey, Soul Sister

it's june.
i believe in so much things i should not.

***

as june comes to an end, ecstatically, i remember the days we've gone through together.
yes, it was very short and brief.
but as time flies by, it gives so much meaning for me.

as i said earlier, i've noticed you a long time ago.
and when you noticed me, i sensed the sign that it was worth to try.

i was simply startled that
you were far beyond from what i thought you were.

you put so much concern for me.
for this silly, headstrong, and stubborn girl.
i thank you for that :)

and time does pass in a very strange way.
often i heard the question:
isn't it too soon?
how come it happened so fast?
are you sure with your decision?
why don't you consider it a little bit longer?

i know, i know.

my ignorance has nothing to do when i see things through different perspectives.
especially the questions about time.

sometimes, "time" is a wall we can't destroy all at once.
we can't escape from time even a bit.
in my opinion,
we need to experience rapid changes to see things clearly.
to feel the sensation of bitter-sweet events we may encounter.

and with the principle i hold,
it doesn't really matter
whether we meet eyes to eyes today and hold hands the next two days.
the thing that really matters is we grow together and
we can make the right choices for ourselves and
talk over the things, everything, we should or need to face.
if we trust each other, everything else will be alright in the end :)

sorry if i got too melancholy all of a sudden,
but i just need to get these words out of my head.
hehe.

besides, i express myself better through hundreds of words in writing, than oral talking :p

...continuing,
we went to my church today, and pray together.
i shouldn't say this, but one of my prayer to holy Mary is:
i wish for the days to come, to be just like today.
that i have nothing to worry,
that nothing can not be given a smile,
nothing to be afraid of.

^^

i'm a mere human being.
i am not perfect.
i'm sorry if i say sorry too much.
but sometimes it's hard to say bluntly the feeling inside,
that i ended up saying the word "sorry".

along with this hesitate feeling,
i want to laugh and being laughed at.
and say thank you.
for your extraordinary honesty.
for the moments we've shared
(and moments to come, lols)
for the time you're willing to spare
to fulfill my selfish requests.
and much more.
:)


sorry.
and
thank you.
hehe.

***


"Maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself"
-A Walk To Remember-

i've been thinking for these past few days

and i dont know why, but i easily got too carried away lately
i'm being so melancholy, so weak, so fragile, so lame, so hesitate, so sorry...

i'm too occupied with the feeling "i-am-a-troublesome", esp with my mom.

last night, my mom picked me up from campus at 9 o'clock.
i was so exhausted, that i fell asleep right away on the passenger's seat, besides my mom's seat.
a moment later, my mom swerved the steering wheel so suddenly.
i woke up right away.
my mom was too sleepy that she almost overslept while driving and hit a person.
i was so surprised.
finally, we switched, and i was the one driving home, while my mom was sleeping.
it's the third time something like this has happened.

just so you know,
i've been juggling with my full-day activities at campus almost everyday.
i often asked my mom to pick me up at 9 or 9.30 PM,
whereas i KNEW that she came back from the office at 7 or 7.30 PM,
and she must've been so aweary, tired, and need rest.
but i forced her to drive to my faraway campus just to take me home.

the guilt in my heart wont go away easily.
i kept saying sorry to my mom for using her leisure time to pick me up.
but then, she just smiled. always smiling.

i've been considering about boarding house, but my mom wont allow me.
she said, i could always ask her if i needed to be picked up, no matter what time.

UGH.

i got so stressed out over this matter, that i cried in the bathroom.
maybe i'm being too overacted, but it's true.
i know a mother's love is unconditionally.
but as a child who wants to give back,
i hate to see her defending me all the way,
while herself gets nothing out of it, but exhaustion.

i'm such a troublesome.

God, bless her. all the way.
:(

***


"Mama, you're the queen of my heart
your love is like tears from the stars,
Mama, i just want you to know
lovin' you is like food to my soul"
Boys II Men - A Song For Mama