well it's just an open up stupid diary.
i believe u will find
a lot of grammatical errorslol,
some dramas that surround my life,
and of course,
a lot of ordinary stories from
an ordinary teenager kid. originally designed by me.
all contents are fully copyright Mela @2008. Mela. all rights reserved.
yeah, until my head pops -_-" these days hv just been so madly madly busy for me. no sleep. working for the drama script, arranging the music for the play also. and nobody was helping. thank you very much.
still so fcking tired. Why am I so tired, I do not fully understand.
HEADACHE.
Ugh. math exam tomorrow.
STOMACH PAIN.
Ahhhhh. Tomorrow is a long day. I am, however, thankfully making more progress.
I am feeling mighty sleepy again. Work scary next week. Ah ah.
cant say no to that. I'm a total hypocrite, especially around my friends. acting overwhelming is one of my specialities. but sometimes when I overdo it, it becomes a pure mask. my jaw craves to stop, no need to push it. It's funny when you see someone and you look yourself in him, but keep blaspheming him with cocky slanders. what a hypocrite. That's human. act as if you're right, you'll get straight A's in life. I wanna end it multiple times, but the figure of who I am and what I am seems to be missing for them. I mean, that’s not all that’s gone on. But that’s the most important stuff. I wanna be me. but why I can't? I feel more comfortable with my classmates, as in they're my family package. love them. but my close friends? as if you can say they're close... still need to think and decide which is best...
so life continues... hell yeah when your life feels like a movie, deny the lies you've chained. just like the rainy sundays when my eyes like to watch you smile. the lies i've put, seeing a shining armor. wtf. you saved me, honey from a horibble place but just to put me in a worse one. you see where this is going? madness. unsecurity. broken.
so when your life starts to feel like a movie follow the rules. strive it. to smile. have fun. don't hurt. lose, to strike back. defeat, fair.
two horrifying days i went through with a lot ofscreams.
yesterday we gotta go to pay the last visit to the fisherman's house near KenjeranBeach for our practical assignment in february.
we searched some crustaceans such as seashells, coils, etc. in the middle of unrisen tide of sea. so mostly it was just shit feces, mud, water, and... shit (did I mention it?).
oh how cute :DD
There were 4 boys and 6 girls.
I was the first girl (girl power!!) to go in the mud full of you-know-what.
and yes I could feel "them", but couldn't tell the different which were the children's or which were the adults' (wa wa wa >.<). I pretended that I didn't knew (how hard could that be? pretending is good most of the times) but the other girls couldn't stand the mushy mud.
meeting the nature fellas
Anyway, I think I was friendly enough to the nature, considering the bruises and blisters the sea rewarded on the sole of my feet -_-"
the hand of an into-nature girl lol
what's ugly is: i look fat -_-" but damn love the sky :DD
on the boat xD
we went home at 1 o'clock straight. oh wow.
at around 7 o'clock when I was already in my moment-of-peace(read: ready to sleep in front of my best friend called TV),
I heard my mom screaming from down stairs, panicly and over-hysterical.
I thought "is the crab I caught walking around the house naked? or is the coil singing?" yeah. the chaos already sneaked in my brainless head.
i went down and... what the heck...
my house was full of water!!
what?? flood stricken with no mercy from the ceiling and i began to panic like my mom did.
screaming like an innocent girl with no act done (alert: never do this when you're faced to this kind of situation).
So... my house went through a renovation last november.
we add some more rooms and the dining room was moved.
the "tremendous" leak was occured in the dining room.
why in the hell do the workers didn't notice that there was a huge gap on the ceiling.
why huge? let me depict the leak. it wasn't like one drop or two.
it was like a bucket full of water poured down hard on the floor.
it wasn't even like raining! it was harder than a usual rain!
cause the water got patched first, when it was full and couldn't hold it any longer, it poured like hell into my dining room.
we put like 6 or 7 buckets on different spots in the dining room.
Lord oh Lord...
we moved the refrigerator and one of the wheel was broken because of our madness and over-the-top-patience.
day one, the end.
day two, today. I got home from school and found the coils, crabs, and others crustaceans I collected from Kenjeran yesterday were DEAD.
actually, I kinda did it on purpose so we can use the shells for our play's properties.
but I didn't expect them to smell like HELL-STUPID-ROTTEN-ODOR
shit.
so I had to clean the coils inside and out, I was even gonna puke.
oh wow.
the puses and the dregs were testing my nerve and stomach.
I was REALLY going to puke. for real.
life. need to struggle to fight it fair.
damn.
I won't vomit out the details.
or I will throw up, for real. on my keyboard.
anyway, by the end of the day, you will just laugh out what you experienced yesterdays :D
my day is completed =p
me vs garry, trying to amuse you. but stillllll in the limit of sanity xDD
i'm online. at msn. he's online. as well. nothing to talk about. i wanted to sleep. but when he's online. cant sleep. damn. what should I do. dreams, dashed.
i'm insane. If anyone doubted that it really is him that keeps me sane, they don’t anymore. all the side-effects of not getting to see to him are going to surface my mood. Sometimes, I wonder... How many times can a heart get broken and shattered, before it is beyond repair? How much can one take, before it is just too much to bear?
let the ship of my bruised passion sink like the needle in sand filling my insanity with every broken piece of you with every scrap of hate that you’ve harbored for so long you are my star with one small smile you lighten up my fragile soul the part of loving you is one beautiful misery what harder is the waiting part the hardest is to smile for you when I want to cry if you ever want a love that is selfless I'm waiting
Life without him’s been good lately, and I’ve forgotten how to handle that. I think these words are my safe haven. My friends are my second spot to isolate my feeling from this. I know I planned to forget him, but I knew I won't succeed. but I’m not going to let it kill me as much as writing that did. sunday is two days away. waiting kills.
too much of a drama? well just shut the hell up. peace--
graa. havent posted anything for the last few days cause i'm back to hell. school (equals) hell school started at monday and i havent got any free time to relax. so I have to finish all those crummy assignments the teacher gave to us at the first day of school (what the hell were they thinking giving some stupid assignments at the first day of school?! and it's assignments with s. the teachers are insane to put us through this). well but since this is the last year of my chaotic senior high years, i will endure it for a half more of year. The practical exams will be held in february and i cant say no to arrange the schedule for the preparations. and the weird thing is, they say that the bitchy play we should perform with (i calculated it, for real :p) a hundredsss of exercises will be held at the same day as the aerobic exam, which needs a THOUSANDSSS of exercises!! gosh, i'm freaking out. such major weirdo. diving deeper into hell, aiming to get flying colors and of course the ticket to college ;]
so starting today, i have to love school once again after the big holiday without remedial tests. school shall prevail upon my mind and heart. what a fcking melodrama. i hope this words i typed can make things just right.
so this is what i felt yesterday:
and after absorbing the lessons well today, this is how i once felt and feel (again) starting today:
ps: iam freaking engulf and miss the days at church. cause that means i'm missing him too. when i was at church, i would spend the whole day hoping he was around. but no sign. i think he's in the middle of his final exams now. But when i saw him, I just think about how he used to like me and how that still makes no sense to me at all. Why anyone would like, let alone love me, is still beyond me. But whatever.
Well it's love. make it hurt. i deserve it. cause when you are here. all is well. and I mean every word of that with every inch of my heart.
people, HAPPY NU YERRRR!!! year. I’ve been thinking a lot about this 4 letter word, seeing how the word year fills my surrounding. on birthdays, my crush, and now, another new year. but one that i realize, i never use the word year in friendship. especially when i received all those texts last night, most of them said that u'll always be my friend. yeah, friends is about the experiences, not the years. Even my ex-friends that I considered as foes (i'm bad, i know -_-") sent them . But I believe in giving people second chances. I guess my most short-coming is that I believe in the good side of people too much. Everyone knows no one’s is perfect. Not you or me. May be I tend to overlook a bit too much. I don’t know. Anyway,new year, new love for everybody :]] i gotta have a new introspections with s, for me as well :D
So, last night I was awoke the whole night drinking wine with my mom and brother before the clock stroke 12! haha I drank 2 glasses of it. not full. a half of glass each. So i think that makes it a glass full of wine. My face was all red and hot. so i slept at 2 o'clock lol.
at noon, went to my cousin's house. they served like A LOT. salad,noodles, tofu mushroom soup, fried chicken. that's it for the main course i guess. but the DESSERTS were *speechless*.... chocolate ice cream cake covered with strawberry sauce from haagen-daaz (shit, can u imagine?!), another chocolate ice cream cake with whipped cream, chocolate pudding (the best i ever tasted), not forgetting the fruits! the oranges are sweet sweet sweet. wow. i'm full of "love" at the first day of 2oo9 :DD
