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well it's just an open up stupid diary.
i believe u will find
a lot of grammatical errors lol,
some dramas that surround my life,
and of course,
a lot of ordinary stories from
an ordinary teenager kid.
originally designed by me.
all contents are fully copyright
Mela @2008.
Mela. all rights reserved.

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purposefully confused
just wanna say this
what i know
i'm blessed
this i promise you
24 or 25 or 26
hugging you
nothing is going to change
October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 April 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 November 2011

All Kpop
My Soju
Nguping Jakarta
Overheard In NY
We Heart It

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Friday, January 30, 2009


18 days till POP!!

yeah, until my head pops -_-"
these days hv just been so madly madly busy for me.
no sleep.
working for the drama script, arranging the music for the play also.
and nobody was helping. thank you very much.

still so fcking tired.
Why am I so tired, I do not fully understand.


Ugh. math exam tomorrow.


Ahhhhh. Tomorrow is a long day.
I am, however, thankfully making more progress.

I am feeling mighty sleepy again. Work scary next week. Ah ah.

wish me luck. please.
i'm serious.

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Saturday, January 24, 2009

combo: eden vs hell

Went to get the whole class pictures taken for this yearbook thingy. I looked awesome okay lol.

t's hardly believable that everyone looked amazingly non-effortless to giving the perfect look.

Anyway,, this is what I was wearing:

at my house. making my own photo shoot session.

And next is my saviors from the longing so long to live more lively, my best buddies aka my classmates aka my 2nd family::


yea. great day :]

o yea, another news flash:

I'm broken heart.

Every truth turns into a lie with time, and we stand testiment to that.

truth is a wicked and bitter friend.

More than 200 words of nonsense.

I also have this almost sick obsession with words. especially bout him.

thanks a lot, honey for taking my heart and breaking it.

there's also selfish side of me, though. Want him to know that I DO like him passionately.

and as a kid, I'm reasonable enough to pour this crap out of me.

I've changed since last year, hasn't everyone.

Need to be more rigidly in everything. in you.

I'm 18, in love, and independent and comparing what I was like freshman year to who I am now.

I’m so proud of the person I've become.

but still, he's here...

and every time he laughs

I know that no one else could ever be enough

the fragile feeling of mine

can never see clearly

the torn aches

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Monday, January 19, 2009

a soulful hypocrite 24/7

cant say no to that.
I'm a total hypocrite, especially around my friends.
acting overwhelming is one of my specialities.
but sometimes when I overdo it, it becomes a pure mask.
my jaw craves to stop, no need to push it.
It's funny when you see someone and you look yourself in him, but keep blaspheming him with cocky slanders. what a hypocrite.
That's human. act as if you're right, you'll get straight A's in life.
I wanna end it multiple times, but the figure of who I am and what I am seems to be missing for them.
I mean, that’s not all that’s gone on. But that’s the most important stuff.
I wanna be me.
but why I can't?
I feel more comfortable with my classmates, as in they're my family package.
love them.
but my close friends? as if you can say they're close...
still need to think and decide which is best...

just fyi: I'm not like this.


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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

obey it. live it. make it right.

so life continues... hell yeah
when your life feels like a movie,
deny the lies you've chained.
just like the rainy sundays
when my eyes like to watch you
the lies i've put,
seeing a shining armor.
you saved me, honey
from a horibble place
but just to put me
in a worse one.
you see where this is going?
madness. unsecurity. broken.

so when your life starts to feel like a movie
follow the rules.
strive it.
to smile.
have fun.
don't hurt.
to strike back.

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Monday, January 12, 2009

chaos chaos chaos

two horrifying days i went through with a lot of screams.

yesterday we gotta go to pay the last visit to the fisherman's house near Kenjeran Beach for our practical assignment in february.

we searched some crustaceans such as seashells, coils, etc. in the middle of unrisen tide of sea. so mostly it was just shit feces, mud, water, and... shit (did I mention it?).

oh how cute :DD

There were 4 boys and 6 girls.

I was the first girl (girl power!!) to go in the mud full of you-know-what.

and yes I could feel "them", but couldn't tell the different which were the children's or which were the adults' (wa wa wa >.<). I pretended that I didn't knew (how hard could that be? pretending is good most of the times) but the other girls couldn't stand the mushy mud.

meeting the nature fellas

Anyway, I think I was friendly enough to the nature, considering the bruises and blisters the sea rewarded on the sole of my feet -_-"

the hand of an into-nature girl lol

what's ugly is: i look fat -_-" but damn love the sky :DD

on the boat xD

we went home at 1 o'clock straight. oh wow.

at around 7 o'clock when I was already in my moment-of-peace
(read: ready to sleep in front of my best friend called TV),

I heard my mom screaming from down stairs, panicly and over-hysterical.

I thought "is the crab I caught walking around the house naked? or is the coil singing?" yeah. the chaos already sneaked in my brainless head.

i went down and... what the heck...

my house was full of water!!

what?? flood stricken with no mercy from the ceiling and i began to panic like my mom did.

screaming like an innocent girl with no act done (alert: never do this when you're faced to this kind of situation).

So... my house went through a renovation last november.

we add some more rooms and the dining room was moved.

the "tremendous" leak was occured in the dining room.

why in the hell do the workers didn't notice that there was a huge gap on the ceiling.

why huge? let me depict the leak. it wasn't like one drop or two.

it was like a bucket full of water poured down hard on the floor.

it wasn't even like raining! it was harder than a usual rain!

cause the water got patched first, when it was full and couldn't hold it any longer, it poured like hell into my dining room.

we put like 6 or 7 buckets on different spots in the dining room.

Lord oh Lord...

we moved the refrigerator and one of the wheel was broken because of our madness and over-the-top-patience.

day one, the end.

day two, today. I got home from school and found the coils, crabs, and others crustaceans I collected from Kenjeran yesterday were DEAD.

actually, I kinda did it on purpose so we can use the shells for our play's properties.

but I didn't expect them to smell like HELL-STUPID-ROTTEN-ODOR


so I had to clean the coils inside and out, I was even gonna puke.

oh wow.

the puses and the dregs were testing my nerve and stomach.

I was REALLY going to puke. for real.

life. need to struggle to fight it fair.


I won't vomit out the details.

or I will throw up, for real. on my keyboard.

anyway, by the end of the day, you will just laugh out what you experienced yesterdays :D

my day is completed =p

me vs garry, trying to amuse you. but stillllll in the limit of sanity xDD


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Friday, January 9, 2009

cant sleep!

i'm online.
at msn.
he's online.
as well.
nothing to talk about.
i wanted to sleep.
but when he's online.
cant sleep.
what should I do.
dreams, dashed.

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the padlock is a heart that needs a painless key

i'm insane.
If anyone doubted that it really is him that keeps me sane, they don’t anymore.
all the side-effects of not getting to see to him are going to surface my mood.
Sometimes, I wonder...
How many times can a heart get broken and shattered, before it is beyond repair?
How much can one take, before it is just too much to bear?

let the ship of my bruised passion
sink like the needle in sand

filling my insanity
with every broken piece of you

with every scrap of hate
that you’ve harbored for so long
you are my star

with one small smile

you lighten up my fragile soul

the part of loving you
is one beautiful misery

what harder is the waiting part

the hardest is to smile for you
when I want to cry
if you ever want a love
that is selfless
I'm waiting

Life without him’s been good lately, and I’ve forgotten how to handle that.
I think these words are my safe haven.
My friends are my second spot to isolate my feeling from this.
I know I planned to forget him, but I knew I won't succeed.
but I’m not going to let it kill me as much as writing that did.
sunday is two days away.
waiting kills.

too much of a drama?
well just shut the hell up.

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Thursday, January 8, 2009

back to hell

graa. havent posted anything for the last few days cause i'm back to hell.
school (equals) hell
school started at monday and i havent got any free time to relax.
so I have to finish all those crummy assignments the teacher gave to us at the first day of school
(what the hell were they thinking giving some stupid assignments at the first day of school?! and it's assignments with s. the teachers are insane to put us through this)
well but since this is the last year of my chaotic senior high years, i will endure it for a half more of year.
The practical exams will be held in february and i cant say no to arrange the schedule for the preparations. and the weird thing is, they say that the bitchy play we should perform with (i calculated it, for real :p) a hundredsss of exercises will be held at the same day as the aerobic exam, which needs a THOUSANDSSS of exercises!!
gosh, i'm freaking out. such major weirdo.
diving deeper into hell, aiming to get flying colors and of course the ticket to college ;]

so starting today, i have to love school once again after the big holiday without remedial tests.
school shall prevail upon my mind and heart. what a fcking melodrama.
i hope this words i typed can make things just right.

so this is what i felt yesterday:

and after absorbing the lessons well today, this is how i once felt and feel (again) starting today:

i am freaking engulf and miss the days at church.
cause that means i'm missing him too.
when i was at church, i would spend the whole day hoping he was around.
but no sign.
i think he's in the middle of his final exams now.
But when i saw him, I just think about how he used to like me and how that still makes no sense to me at all. Why anyone would like, let alone love me, is still beyond me.
But whatever.

Well it's love. make it hurt. i deserve it. cause when you are here. all is well.
and I mean every word of that with every inch of my heart.

foolish me.moron.

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Thursday, January 1, 2009

new yearrrr


year. I’ve been thinking a lot about this 4 letter word, seeing how the word year fills my surrounding.
on birthdays, my crush, and now, another new year.
but one that i realize, i never use the word year in friendship.
especially when i received all those texts last night, most of them said that u'll always be my friend. yeah, friends is about the experiences, not the years.
Even my ex-friends that I considered as foes (i'm bad, i know -_-") sent them .
But I believe in giving people second chances. I guess my most short-coming is that I believe in the good side of people too much. Everyone knows no one’s is perfect. Not you or me.
May be I tend to overlook a bit too much. I don’t know.
Anyway,new year, new love for everybody :]]
i gotta have a new introspections with s, for me as well :D

So, last night I was awoke the whole night drinking wine with my mom and brother before the clock stroke 12! haha
I drank 2 glasses of it. not full. a half of glass each. So i think that makes it a glass full of wine.
My face was all red and hot.
so i slept at 2 o'clock lol.

at noon, went to my cousin's house. they served like A LOT.
salad,noodles, tofu mushroom soup, fried chicken. that's it for the main course i guess.
but the DESSERTS were *speechless*....
chocolate ice cream cake covered with strawberry sauce from haagen-daaz (shit, can u imagine?!), another chocolate ice cream cake with whipped cream, chocolate pudding (the best i ever tasted), not forgetting the fruits! the oranges are sweet sweet sweet.
wow. i'm full of "love" at the first day of 2oo9 :DD

Happy happy new year~~

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